Twenty-Seven: A Birthday Reflection

I love birthdays. I always have. I’ve recently gotten more into personality tests and discovered that my personality places great importance on self-identity and individualism, so it makes perfect sense that I would thoroughly enjoy the one day each year that is “my” special day.

As much as I love birthdays, sometimes when I realize my birthday is coming up so soon I get slightly panicky because I have this vague feeling that it needs to be a momentous occasion, and perhaps I am not in the right mindset or am not doing enough to prepare.

I know this is a silly thing to worry about because, after all, birthdays are to enjoy, not to cause worry or stress.

And now, about to enter into my 27th year, I feel the same slight panic, and yet, more than other years, I am able to override it not by assuring myself that I have planned enough and that this will be the best birthday ever or that I have given enough serious thought to my 26th year to be ready to leave it behind, but by realizing that I am in a better, healthier place now than at any previous time of my life.

This is not, however, something that happened in a day, a week, or even a year, and it is not something that has happened in a vacuum without the input, help, and insight from others.

Good, healthy, life-giving habits are hard to form, but I am content and joyful going into my 27th year that I am making progress.

I used to hate that my birthday was in winter. I was envious of those who had summer birthdays and were able to have pool parties and outdoor gatherings. But now I can truthfully say that I love my middle-of-winter birthday. It comes at a time that is far enough from New Year’s to begin to see how the year is unfolding and to evaluate whether I am in a good place, but still close enough to the freshness of a new start that I can fairly easily make adjustments and start new processes and habits if needed. Like most people, I’ve always desired to have good habits and to be surrounded by a life in which I find joy, fulfillment, and growth, but this year more than others I feel like I have truly made progress and avoided the usual ruts in which I often find myself.

This takes many forms. For one thing, I have been learning (and actually putting into practice) the need to let go of things I do not use or need, and which are not only cluttering my physical space, but my mental and emotional space. Another thing is that I am actually cultivating a vibrant reading life. I honestly don’t remember a time when I haven’t been in the process of getting through some book or other, but I’m a surprisingly slow reader for as much as I love books and studied English. It took some time, but more and more I’ve been able to set my phone and other things aside and immerse myself in a book. Also, signing up for Poetry Foundation’s “Poem of the Day” has brought me so much enjoyment, as has reading Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest every day.

Another—and less tangible thing: I am getting better at letting go of my desire to have everything be perfect, or else everything is ruined. The other day I broiled some sweet potatoes in a glass Pyrex pan. I took it out of the oven and it promptly shattered. Of course, I had to throw away the pan and the potatoes. This is the kind of silly accident that would have previously grated on me for days and would have bothered me so much that it would likely have ruined the joy I could have still found in other things that day. Those kinds of things still bother me, probably more than the average person, but I am getting better at putting these instances in perspective and focusing on being grateful instead. I know that this small choice is often the difference between a good day and bad day and should be looked at as an opportunity to choose joy—for my own’s sake and the sake of those around me.

All these things are not to say that I’ve got my life figured out and neatly ordered all the time. I certainly do not. I need frequent encouragement and pep talks from my husband, reminders of my brokenness and redemption and the beauty of community from my church family, and the daily stillness and reflection imposed by reading my devotional.

Still, there are things I wish I could seem to implement, such as consistently getting up early or committing to learning the guitar or a new language, but the progress I have made thus far has me hopeful that progress can be made on these, my most seemingly unattainable goals.

I love knowing that having faith in Jesus influences every sphere of my life, and this is what gives all these other good, wholesome things meaning, and makes them good. They are a way of learning more about the world He created (whether the internal workings of human beings or the external workings of Creation), they are a way of being excited about the variety He has created, and they are a way of creating routines that welcome Him into my life and leave space for Him to work.

I want to continually remind myself of that this year—that the little habits and patterns add up and there is much to appreciate every day. I’m looking forward to 27 and all it may bring!

Photos courtesy: Unsplash/Brooke Lark and Geert Pieters